I want to first make clear that my family and I have been very blessed throughout the Katrina ordeal. We have not suffered the loss that many of my friends have experienced. We have not had to face all of the uncertainties that others have faced, but we have suffered nonetheless. As I’m researching theological aspects of Bioethics, I am becoming aware of why I’m having difficult days. I apologize beforehand if my complaining offends those who have it worse than me. Your pain does impact me more than you can know.
I think that the most difficult aspect of being impacted by Katrina is the sense of disempowerment I feel. Prior to the storm, my life was pretty well mapped out. My third year review at work had gone well so I had confidence that I would continue to work there as long as I wished. As of today, my pay status for October is uncertain. When classes begin in January, I’m unsure as to the number of students that will return. That figure will have an impact on my employment status I’m sure. I’m also concerned about how my teenaged son will handle another change in schools if I need to relocate. During this academic year, he has experienced three first days of school at three completely different kinds of schools.
Not only is my employment future uncertain, I am also miles away from my family and friends. I can’t begin to describe how painful this separation has been for me. I will move on to less difficult matters.
How else do I feel disempowered? Since I was 15 years old, I’ve had my own car and could go anywhere I wanted to go. I don’t even have a bike now. Can’t even get one! My world has been reduced to a few square miles. I tried the bus on Friday. It was a most frightening experience for me, but not in ways you might expect. When I was in the second grade, I got on the wrong school bus going home. I’m dyslexic so bus 54 looked a lot like bus 45. I was terrified! Not knowing where I was going or how to get to a safe place is excruciating for me. I have no idea how bus systems work. I tried to read all of the brochures, but I still didn’t understand. I hopped a bus headed for a mall and took my chances. The freedom was exhilarating but I was still afraid I would have to contact a cab to get back “home.†After catching a movie, I sat by myself at the bus stop watching cars go by. I had no idea if a bus would pick me up. After 30 minutes a bus pulled up and the same driver from my first trip was driving! He said that the bus would take me back to Vandy!
The list of things I can’t do now is huge. At one point in this ordeal, I joked with my older brother that I would be much more comfortable if he would just tell me what I needed to do. He’s a wonderful guy who loves me very much. He’d probably do a much better job of managing my life right now than me. He wouldn’t go for it though. I can now better identify with those who sat on I-10 waiting for someone to help them. I feel so helpless and alone. But for now I must trust that still small voice that says “Get back to work.â€
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