Howie Luvzus

I’m really amazed about how easy it is to manipulate Americans. Come on, a western about gay cowboys! Please. The Seattle Times asks the question “Will audiences accept this Wyoming love story?” Heck yeah it will! I’m thinking about writing a 20 page pamphlet about a gay Jesus who is beaten continually by Jews and becomes an Islamic homosexual who produces a reality show about beastiality and incest. I know I could make tons of money and get on Larry King Live! Did I mention that he was a homosexual?

I’m trying to identify the next cool group so that I can start a business that can exploit them.

Murrow’s speech at the RTNDA Convention in 1958 is more applicable now than ever: (You must see Good Night and Good Luck!)

For surely we shall pay for using this most powerful instrument of communication to insulate the citizenry from the hard and demanding realities which must be faced if we are to survive. I mean the word survive literally. If there were to be a competition in indifference, or perhaps in insulation from reality, then Nero and his fiddle, Chamberlain and his umbrella, could not find a place on an early afternoon sustaining show. If Hollywood were to run out of Indians, the program schedules would be mangled beyond all recognition. Then some courageous soul with a small budget might be able to do a documentary telling what, in fact, we have done–and are still doing–to the Indians in this country. But that would be unpleasant. And we must at all costs shield the sensitive citizens from anything that is unpleasant.

I think I’m going to take John Prine’s advice and

Blow up your t.v. throw away your paper
Go to the country, build you a home
Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches
Try an find Jesus on your own

Several months ago, a promise from George W. Bush forced me into a moral dilemma. He promised as much as $7,500 per child to Katrina victims to pay for private school. I’ve been against vouchers for education for years because of my commitment to the separation of church and state and other reasons. But, could I afford to follow my principles here if it cost me $7,500?

After thinking about the situation, I decided that taking the money would not be an abandonment of my ideals. Wait before you condemn me here! The situation in New Orleans is unique. My wife had to return to New Orleans in order to keep her job. However, there were no schools open in Orleans parish. Even at this point, there are no public high schools open. Therefore, we were forced to send Howie Jr to a private school. Before Katrina hit, he was attending a public school. We hadn’t budgeted the THOUSANDS of dollars for his education this year. We couldn’t afford the school for Shirley Jr so we had to enroll her in a public school in a neighboring parish. She’s had a very difficult time because her teacher yells at the students quite a bit and the atmosphere is not like her previous school in New Orleans. It’s been very difficult for us to deal with this.

We were counting on the money Bush said he was setting aside to lessen our financial burden brought on by Katrina. Since September, I’ve heard nothing about the money from anyone. We’ve contacted both David Vitter and Mary Landrieu to no avail. I’m so sick of Bush going around making speeches and promises in order to manipulate the opinion of the American people without being held accountable for what he has said. I haven’t seen him in New Orleans lately have you? It seems to me that he doesn’t really give a damn about doing anything. He only wants to appear like he cares and wants to do something about those suffering from Katrina. I’m mad as hell Mr. President! You don’t care about New Orleans, only your image. It’s making me sick.

BTW: Tell your Mom that it’s NOT working out well for us!

I spoke to a friend of mine who pastors a church in New Orleans the other day. We talked for about 40 minutes. I kept trying to get him to tell me how he’s doing, but he wouldn’t. He always steered the conversation toward what other people are experiencing. I guess he was trying to tell me what he is dealing with and the scope of the work to be done, or maybe he’s just unable to talk about what he’s going through. I’m frustrated and a bit scared. There are so many great women and men of God in New Orleans that are facing issues in their congregations that no training could prepare them for.

I was in a church office in New Orleans several months ago when an angry parishioner stormed in and declared that he had awakened the volunteers that were staying in the church so that they could move their van. It was blocking a small area of the church parking lot. He was furious. I later learned that this group was volunteering in New Orleans prior to Katrina and during their evacuation they lost all of their clothes, cars, and supplies they left behind in New Orleans. They had returned to New Orleans to continue their work, only to be yelled at by an angry member of my church. Oh, boy.

Anyway—Here’s my open letter to pastors in New Orleans and surrounding areas affected by Katrina.

Dear Pastors,

I can’t begin to understand all that you’re going through and will go through for the next several years. However, as a former pastor, I’d like to share my advice with you. I pray most of all that you will understand the value of your ministry. I know it’s often a thankless job with endless hours. But it’s the most important job I know. Your presence, your sometimes awkward words, your silence, and your tears bring great healing and comfort to those whose lives have been totally disrupted by Katrina. You will never know how much you’ve meant to so many people because words are inadequate to describe how a life can be transformed by love.

Take care of your family and yourself. Twenty years from now, you’ll probably be serving another congregation, but hopefully your family will be with you. Share your fears and your struggles as much as you can. They love you. They can share your burden. You wouldn’t want them to hide their struggles from you. Don’t rob them of the opportunity to minister to you. They need you and you need them.

Find someone you can trust and talk to them. Find a good counselor. I really don’t think this should be an option. Trust me on this one, you’re going through some serious stuff here. You see how it ruins lives. You read about the suicides and the divorces and the abuse that are results of Katrina’s fury. Get help, say no, and get a little ticked off if it’s warranted.

I don’t want to make you feel guilty here, but chances are you need to pray more. Spending time alone with the God who called you to ministry and equips you for service is needed now more than ever. You must make the time for this.

Know that there are many folks praying for you and thanking God for you every day. I don’t pray a lot, but when I do, I pray for you. This is what I pray:

Eph. 3:14-21 For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Take care. Call me at 504-460-1354 if you need me.

Christmas is under attack.

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately and I have found that Christmas is under attack this year more than in previous years and I’m inclined to agree. This isn’t the typical “materialism has made us forget about Jesus’ birth” threat to Christmas. This threat is much more severe. I plan to provide overwhelming evidence of my claim and a strategy for a counter-attack.

Christmas is under attack, and this is no joke. It’s serious. The fact that the phrase “Merry Christmas” has been replaced by “Happy Holidays” has been the subject of many commentators. For example, here’s a transcript from Bill O’Reilly’s show:

Now, the other thing is, I don’t believe most people who aren’t Christian are offended by the words “Merry Christmas.” I think those people are nuts. I think you’re crazy if you’re offended by the words “Merry Christmas.”

When challenged by Philip Nulman that Christians don’t find “Happy Holidays” offensive, this was O’Reilly’s response:

Yes, it does. It absolutely does. And I know that for a fact.

Christmas is under attack. When Christians stand by and let a mean spirited, sexual-harassing, phone sex maniac “defend” the day commemorating the birth of their Lord and Savior, Christmas is in jeopardy. When Christians are offended by someone wishing them a “Happy Holiday” and it in effect robs them of the joy, hope, and peace this season brings, Christmas is in jeopardy. I’m a Christian Mr. O’Reilly and I’m offended by how you treat those who disagree with you. How dare you pretend to speak for me! You do not know me nor do you know my Savior that you allegedly are trying to defend. My Lord doesn’t need your help. His people don’t need your help. In fact, those who are truly His people can’t even stand to sit and watch your vitriol and hatred. My Jesus said love your enemies not tell them to shut up! When Christians stand by and allow this man to speak for them, Christmas is under attack!

Case number two. Jerry Falwell launched the “Friend or Foe” campaign. He’s raised thousands of dollars so that churches can send threatening memos to companies that prefer the “Happy Holidays” phrase or other anti-Christmas activities. If you don’t properly celebrate Christmas, the memo threatens you with a boycott and a lawsuit. According to Matthew 5:39-40 Jesus said, “But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also.”

Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone that Falwell threatens would send him a tunic and cloak! How can someone who follows the One who said the above quote and “Love your enemies” threaten someone with a lawsuit? How could they spend thousands of dollars at Christmas time defending Christmas?

Christmas is under attack my brothers and sisters! It’s time for those who follow Jesus to go to their inner room, close the door and pray to their Father who is in secret. We must show others the meaning of Christmas through our care for the poor, the outcasts, and the sinners. We must be humble. After all, our God saw fit to show up in a barn. We must be empowered by the spirit of God, not the “powers” of humanity. God is more mighty than any lawyer or judge. Let’s go forth in love as demonstrated by our Prince of Peace!

Readers Beware! I’m sure someone is going to call me Unchristian for what I am about to write…

The WWL 870 am radio station continued to broadcast throughout the Katrina ordeal. It was a welcomed source for news for those of us who could only watch what was going on there on CNN. However, WWL recently went back to their regular programing which included too many hours a day of Rush Limbaugh. He claimed that two of his friends live in New Orleans and that things are going well there. The “liberal media” is making things look a lot worse there than it really is.

WWL has invited Limbaugh to do a live broadcast from New Orleans so he can see how misinformed he is. My guess is that Rush won’t go to New Orleans because it won’t suit his purposes. Bring it on Rush! Come see us! Maybe you can stay at my friend Michael’s house. His first floor is gutted and there’s no electricity, but hell, there’s a lot of progress so far. I mean the water has been pumped out and everything! Maybe you can stay with my friends B and Xy. They have gas so their wall furnaces are working! You can even get a hot shower there. I think he has a generator now too!

Oh, BTW. Rush wants you to support our troops this Christmas. He’s such a patriotic and caring guy! Here’s the deal…You send him $49.99 for each soldier you want to support and Rush will make sure they get subscriptions to the Limbaugh letter and Rush 24/7! I already sent one of these wonderful gifts to my friend Marty’s son. (Just kidding!) What better way to support Rush! I mean, our troops!

I can’t understand the hypocrisy and ignorance of Conservative Christians who continue to listen to Limbaugh and O’Reilly. They constantly take stands on “moral issues” yet they abuse drugs and women, get caught in obvious lies and continue to be the voices of the radical right! Have you seen the crap on the Fox Channel? Would Jesus watch all those terrible programs? But hey, let’s boycott Disney because they want to provide healthcare to homosexuals! But it’s ok for Fox to exploit adoptees with Who’s Your Daddy? What about Temptation Island (Caution: Some might find this web site too offensive)? I guess if the show was about trying to get homosexual couples to break-up by introducing them to hot dudes instead of trying to break-up heteros it would be offensive. Dan Quayle thought that Murphy Brown was a poor role model, but it seems that Christians don’t find Stacked degrading to women at all! Wanna see World Famous for Dicking Around?

Or how about this?

SEXY CAM is NOT your parents “hidden camera” show. Sexy cam combines the fun of playing tricks on unsuspecting victims with a spicey modern twist. How would you react if:
-Two beautiful women asked you to take their picture. The girls smile and open their raincoats: to expose their bare breasts!
-You didn’t know that you were cycling on a bike path that is dedicated to nudists. The security guard doesn’t give you a choice: you must respect the rules or pay the fine.
-The cleaning lady suddenly opens the blinds of an office window in front of you… What you see is most unexpected : clothes are all over the floor, you catch a glimpse of naked arms and legs entwined. Where will curiosity take you?

December 8th is going to be very difficult for me. It’s Shirley’s birthday. We usually go to Jacques Imo’s and have Alligator Sausage Cheesecake. We’ve been together since I was sixteen, so it’s very difficult not to be with her. It’s also really tough for her right now too. She’s been a single parent for several months now. Please pray for her.

I love you sweetie. I’ll be home soon.

Yesterday was a great day. My friend Joey from Memphis called and is coming to see me Sunday! He always makes me laugh. He is a great guy. We’ll have a great time together.

My friend Dan, from Nebraska called and reminded me that it could be colder than it is in Nashville. I don’t know if I believe him! He also graciously asked me to write an article about my experiences as a result of Katrina. Thanks for thinking of me Dan! I’m looking forward to writing this for you.

They ran out of my flavor of beer at the Crescent City Cafe (might be a sign of something) and I drank a Stella Artois beer. It’s made in Leuven, Belgium where three of my former colleagues at Xavier did their doctoral work. Phil, Gerald, and Jerry–it was an honor and so much fun working with you guys. I learned so much from y’all. You treated me with such respect. I’ll always remember Gerald’s outrage when my dissertation committee made me rewrite my dissertation. I’ll never forget Jerry and Angeles’ care for Shirley during her cancer and stopping by to see me in Nashville. I so miss Phil sitting in my office and talking about everything from golf to the real stuff of life. Here’s to you guys I love you and miss you very much.

I took this picture because these dogs were walking really fast and seemed to be pretty sure of where they were going. Unfortunately, I put my camera away after I took this pic. I was afraid they were going to be hit by a car as they crossed the intersection and I wanted to be ready to help.

Man, did I feel unneeded when they stopped at the corner! They sat there for a few seconds intently looking across the street. Then the light changed and the Beep..Beep..Beep from the crosswalk began. Immediately, they started their fast pace again and crossed the street. There were about 5 people who saw this and we all started laughing hysterically and saying, “Did you see that?”

Amazing! We couldn’t believe it. These were just stray dogs who had somehow figured out how to get around without getting killed

Tighten up that Bible Belt! Spring Hill Tennessee has declared the word “sexy” is too lewd to be displayed in public. According to the Tennessean, “Cindy Landis, owner of the Studio 4 Hair & More salon in The Shoppes of Campbell Station, said she was told by city officials that two residents complained about “Sexy Hair Concepts” being scrolled across the sign at the shopping center.”

Can you imagine what would happen if Shirley came to Spring Hill? She’s so sexy she’d probably get the death penalty!

N.C. pastor named Most Relevant

ORLANDO — Jim Turney of Raleigh won the coveted Most Relevant Pastor in America 2005 prize at a ceremony in November.
“It’s fun to be recognized, but the glory goes up,” he said, gesturing with the same hand in which he held his standard Starbucks double-shot vanilla latte — the one he takes with him to the pulpit on Sunday mornings.
Hundreds of pastors nominated by their churches for the award milled around the Hilton hotel lobby, standing in line at half a dozen coffee carts and swapping tips on which movie clips they are using lately as sermon illustrations. A knot of pastors stood in one corner and compared BlackBerries.
“Being with all these other relevant pastors is like being among family,” said Cole Jenkins of Jackson, Mich.
Judges noted that Turney carefully selects the popular songs and TV shows to refer to in his sermons, and often preaches with his iPod earbuds draped around his neck. They gave him a 10 for Casual Demeanor and a 9 for Relevant References.
“The guy is in full relating mode with his congregation,” said one judge. “He’s completely dialed in.”
The slightly less relevant runners-up didn’t seem to mind missing the prize.
“We’re all relevant, and that’s what matters,” said one. •

From LarkNews.com

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