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 Tuesday afternoon I tried to calm the lovely wife a bit by explaining that I would see where Gustav was the next morning, check on it at noon, check on it when I got home and not get obsessed over it. As I reflect on that conversation a bit (One reason we’ve lasted 24 years) I realize that my cavalier attitude was very inappropriate. The next morning, I gave the same little speech to a co-worker and she teared-up. Man, was I an idiot.
It’s not something that you can put in the back of your mind. Once you’ve had your life totally changed by something like the Federal Flood, there’s no going back. In fact, it’s so deeply embedded in your psyche that sleep is no escape. Since I worked as a case manager trying to help persons impacted by Katrina I have had nightmares about their plights. I had several last night. I admire those who have sucked it up and are ready to stick it out here even if we get another big one. I will not. I can’t afford to lose my job and stay here doing something I hate. I can’t handle any more health issues. I can’t handle being separated from my family for four months again. I can’t handle losing any more friends. I can’t handle the daily struggles of living in a place with so many frustrations that go on and on and on.
I’m not panicked. I’m sleepy, I’m apprehensive, and depressed. I’m angry that Katrina has become a big joke for outsiders and even some of my family members. I’m angry at most of the politicians and public figures that have failed us.
So we’ll head out tomorrow to spend a long weekend away. Hopefully we’ll come back to our home. But unfortunately, this serves as a reminder of how fragile our lives really are. Many people have grown stronger from the Federal Flood experience. God Bless em’!
I’ll know that I’ll be with two of the most important people in my life and that my two sons will be safe from the storm because they are away at college. This event reminds me that even though I love New Orleans and that it has given me great joy, my real joy is with the family. My real comfort is in the love they bring me. I know that at least I won’t lose that this week and that brings me great peace.
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