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 I’ve been asked several times why I describe myself as a “recovering Baptist.†If you’re a recovering alcoholic that means that you’ve given up alcohol because it’s not been very helpful to you. In fact, it’s been very destructive. That description fits my experience as a Baptist. I could get all technical and say that I’m a small “b†Baptist via McClendon, but I’ll be less theological and more personal (though I’m not really sure those are separate enterprises.).
Many of you may know that when I was about five or six years old, my family was “churched†or kicked out of a Baptist Church in East Texas because my dad stopped working for a munitions company only to start working at a brewery. Since alcohol is sinful, the pastor and deacons took my family off the church roll. I was a cradle roll baby which meant that before I even attended a Baptist church, I was enrolled. Oh well…
Since we attended less conservative Baptist churches from then on, I was exposed to a less judgmental form of Baptist life. I did experience the oppressive pharisaical form of Baptist life when I was enrolled in a Baptist school in Memphis. It wasn’t too bad until High School, where the “Super Christians†were the popular kids and looked down on those of us who weren’t rich and good-looking and able to appear squeaky-clean.
This didn’t bother me too much because I learned early on that High School is meaningless and if that’s the high-point of your life you’re pretty pathetic. College was great! I attended a small private Catholic college and the brothers and other professors were really caring and interesting. I thrived there. It was wonderful to find persons who were committed Christians that weren’t complete jerks! Through the introduction of Catholic Social Teaching I learned that I was to make a difference in the world. As a Baptist, the only context for that understanding of life meant that I should become either a missionary or a pastor. That was so unfortunate. I spent a lot of wasted time feeling guilty.
After college I began to find my life as a business owner unfulfilled. I went to Seminary. I was so darn excited. I had sold my house, given away my dog, and moved my wife and kids 400 miles from the grandparents. What a wonderful time, living in a whole neighborhood surrounded by Baptist ministers!
Needless to say, I soon became a bit disappointed. However, I decided the best way to be a Baptist was to get a PhD, and teach Baptists how to follow Jesus without being jerks! During my PhD program I had the privilege of teaching at the seminary. I thought I had experienced narrow-minded fundamentalism in high school, but that wasn’t even close to the level of hatred I felt at the seminary. I met some of my best friends at the seminary and a few who still teach there are great friends, but the oppression there was stifling.
It seems that once again, I was on the outside looking in. I was labeled a “Liberal,†which is actually very funny, and the person I worked hard for for four years didn’t have the fortitude to go to bat for me. Once again I found myself at a Catholic institution. My colleagues not only respected me, but they embraced and valued my differences.
I still attend a Baptist church. But I do so knowing that if I really opened up and shared what I truly believe that I would be rejected there too. Sometimes I visit the seminary. I see friends there and former students that appreciate my ministry there. It sometimes makes me feel blessed. But other times, I feel like the lepers in the Old Testament. I feel like I should be yelling, “Unclean, unclean!†so that no one will be corrupted by my sinfulness.
That’s why I’m a recovering Baptist. I wanted so much to fit in and make a difference. I just can’t. I’m grateful for the blessings that I have. I only wish I could feel embraced by the tradition I grew up in.
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